I took 142 pictures today, and quit simply because I was tired, not because I’d exhausted all available subject matter.

After a bit of hiking research online, I was on the road for Yellowstone Park at 8:30 this morning. I drove 52 miles to the park’s east entrance through the most interesting terrain yet - with every turn I saw a new mountain, a new lake, a new long-bearded Baby Boomer on a Harley. The road headed up and up.

As I neared the park there were signs warning, “Extreme Fire Danger” and I saw several fire trucks. A helicopter patrolled overhead. A mule deer - a young buck, with velvety antlers - pranced in front of me and I slowed to let him cross. He paid me no heed and disappeared into the rocks and short-needled pines.

Yellowstone Park serves about 2 million visitors a year and charges a $25 entry fee, so by my rough calculations they have an operating budget of approximately 5 trillion dollars. (I may have misplaced a zero.) The roads and trails were well-maintained and the guides were extremely friendly, breaking down the pros and cons of each trail for each visitor for what must have been the umpteenth time. I chose the Canyon River trail, which followed the lip of the Yellowstone River canyon for several miles and turned out to be an unbelievably beautiful hike. There are paved roads crisscrossing most of the park and 50% of families never leave their car. 90% never make it more than a mile from the road, so the crowds (and I do mean crowds) die off almost completely after that distance.

I reached the “summit,” the end of the Canyon River trail, in early afternoon and was alone. I sat on a stump ten feet from the edge of the canyon and dumped the contents of my pack to the ground, pawing for the lunch I’d packed this morning. I frowned at it and cocked my head. “Hey Sam,” I told myself. “Let’s reiterate the fact that you’re in grizzly bear country, where gas stations sell bear spray next to the sunscreen, and there are signs posted everywhere reminding park visitors not to feed Yogi and Boo Boo. Keeping this in mind, Sam, what’s the single worst lunch item you could have packed?” How about a TUNA FISH SANDWICH?

I may as well have rubbed a ribeye on my chest and donned caviar underpants.

I returned the tupperware, unopened, to my pack and gnoshed on peanuts and a granola bar. I still had quite a bit of deeper-woods hiking to do. I consider myself a pretty sumptuous meal for any carnivore already and don’t need to sweeten the deal further.

After returning from the canyon trail I hiked about four miles down to a small peaceful lake surrounded by tall pines. It was pretty in its own right, but I had just come from the very-impressive canyon, which was a tough act to follow. Inevitably, the lake view was a slight letdown, like sucking on a Jolly Rancher after eating chocolate mousse.

After two hours of hiking I slowly drove the 40-odd miles back out until I reached the park’s border. Yellowstone is spectacularly beautiful, grandiose on a magnificent scale. Some attractions, like Niagra Falls, are one-trick ponies. “Come see the water. Look at all that water.” Yellowstone has rivers, lakes, mountains, hot springs, canyons, waterfalls, and wildlife. Everyone should go at least once. I heard French, German, and Russian spoken while I was there - people are coming from across the Atlantic to see this.

The drive back passed uneventfully. George Jones sang “Choices” as I limped into Cody at 4:30, my truck and body running on empty. Rough day.

^ Apparently Wyoming is a big dinosaur area, a fact they’ve chosen to highlight with this tasteful plywood replica. Fun fact: gangs of Triceratops still roam the Wyoming countryside, mating with local grizzly bears to produce unicorns. At least, I think that’s how it works.

^ On the road to the park

^ Hot Springs. We’re inside the park now.

^ Buffalo Xing. This picture underscores how close they were.

^ You’d better believe I was about an ear flick away from simultaneously soiling myself and diving back into my vehicle.

^ Arm’s length. I’ve filed this under “I” for “Idea, Bad.”

^ A coyote stops traffic.

^ The crick. Click on the picture; the high-resolution version is worth it.

^ The falls

^ The canyon

^ If Yellowstone were an eBay seller I would comment “A++ AWSOME WOULD BUY AGAIN!”

^ NO HORSEPLAY

“Shit.” — Lewis and Clark

^ The reds and yellows of the canyon walls were much more vivid in person. If these colors were in a video game, they would call the graphic designer and say, “Hey Walter, you need to tone down these colors. It looks like a Rembrandt painting instead of real life.” In this scenario, Walter is the graphic designer. Hope that was clear.

^ More buffalo

^ Looks like a short trip from this situation to buffalo stew, courtesy of the hot springs. Anyone a cow tipper?

^ Wildfires

^ The road back to Cody