Day 8: Eh?
Written by admin on August 10th, 2008Canadian border booth. Each car is taking about 30 seconds to clear but there’s still an hour’s wait to make it to the front.
“So Mr. Sanders, you said you’re renting an apartment in Vancouver?”
“Yes sir, for one month.”
“And Mr. Sanders, do you currently own or rent any type of housing or real estate in the United States?”
“No sir.”
“Please pull into the parking lot on the left and go inside to counter A.”
The border agent hands me a form. There is a tick in the checkbox labeled “IMMIGRATION”.
In case you ever need to know, the following responses are apparently the wrong answers to give to the Canadian border agent at counter A. Especially if you are a young male, traveling alone, with a heavily loaded truck and a dubious backstory.
Why did you choose Vancouver?
I heard it was nice.
Where did you find the apartment?
Online.
Have you ever met the apartment’s owner in person?
No.
When does your lease start?
Today.
What is today’s date?
I don’t know.
Do you have a copy of the lease with you?
No.
Do you know anyone in Vancouver?
No.
Do you own any guns back home?
Yes.
Are you bringing any knives or other weapons into Canada?
Yes.
Who do you work for?
I’m self-employed.
What happened to your side-view mirror?
I was driving through Montana and hit a peacock.
What?
10
PM
I think you are really a stand-up comic (as compared to a sit-down comic???)…did they torture you to get the right answers; and inspect your truck before they would let you through?
10
PM
Sam
These days, them answers could get you enkarserated in Guantanamo. Those were steak knves you were carryin, not weapons. Where is your guile? And about the peacock, did he want to know why you hit an innocent peacock who was just flappin his feathers? Finally, did you make it past the border okay, and what about fixing that door mirror? Thanks for providing the day’s laugh. We’re kind of serious most of the time. You could write comedy.
Sam
10
PM
Nice consistent sarcasm through a variety of formats… I thought it was hard to get INTO the US, not to get OUT of it, especially with the stereotypical easy-going folks out there in the northwest! Is Canada worth it, especially with the awful exchange rate nowadays? Pics!
10
PM
I just have to add a comment about the ‘bird’….”rest in pieces”… was pretty clever. I missed it the first time around, but I’m kinda slow..
11
AM
thank you for further making me never want to go to canada…that’s extraordinarily retarded.
11
PM
Can you grab some free meds while you’re up there since you are apparently Canadian now…or a mountie uniform, just as long as you don’t turn all peace, love, and hippies like the other canucks
13
AM
I actually am a sit-down comic. You don’t think I write this while standing over my laptop do you?
Seth, I’ll make sure to hide some Ambien under my dashboard when I cross back. I was hoping to see the border patrol guys in red jackets and black wide-brimmed hats, but instead they were wearing fatigues and thick bullet-proof vests. Not as much fun.
14
PM
i will have to learn how to conduct a border conversation as gracefully as you. better give a bro a call when you start moving south.